Waking up to the windy empty side of the bed, the cold neatly folded laundry that hasn't been touched in days. Those moments make you realize that order is not always a delight, nor a welcomed guest in our lives; but rather an intruder that we found throughout finding our way back into our bubble.
We all being there, in a way or another, we visited the bubble and we lived in the grief of a ghost. We all tried to fill up the shoes left, and we got stopped by the fact that nothing can fill them at the moment. Yes, as you may guess, it's the feeling of separation or as people refer to it " breakups", or as I like to call it " the subtle art of moving on".
The common misconception may be that moving on goes hand in hand with the concept of time, but what we often miss is all the other deep variables that we can't skip or ignore. Moving on can be as difficult as escaping a prison; a prison built with our own fears of living in the reality where we are lonely and vulnerable to the world by ourselves. Scientifically our brains are adapted to keep us as social as possible to stay out of danger, and the sheer concept of that loneliness sometimes is the safer choice, makes our brains doubt our all understanding of reality. Moreover, the fight or flight part of our brains gets triggered by depression and anxiety by the same people that once calmed it, which can be quite difficult for our systems to process.
Our psychology and neurological system can be quite challenging to understand and master, and that's why moving on or feeling better can be an art of its own. Especially that well-being is necessary for our survival as humans, but also very beautiful to see a rose come back from the ashes to flourish once more and fill life with its blossom.
Flourishing again can be as challenging as related to planning and hard work. We've all heard the 7 stages of grief, and we tried to fast forward to the 7th stage of moving on. But as a behavior scientist I'd like to come with the approach of the great Antonio Pascual-Leone;
He explains how one must go through 3 main steps to " FEEL BETTER", and it seems too easy to be true, but his research paper did not only get the attention of psychological legends around the globe but helped thousands if not millions. His concept involves 3 main steps:
1- Realizing you're upset, and voicing over what you're missing and the worst part of it.
2- Realize that you're bent out of shape and you're not the same person as you walked into the relationship. And also realize what you truly need.
3- After realizing what you missed and need and obviously what you are, all you've got left is grief and anger.
His concept goes over the simple steps of sympathy and empathy within ourselves. We understand interior and exterior factors, and try to label them and give them their own perspective. We often fall into a mixed feeling of sadness and anger, and they have two opposite reactions which make it difficult for our system to process. Delivering separate emotions, and realizing that it's okay to be vulnerable and griefing the end of an era might make it easier for the system to let go.
His way not only makes it easier to move on but also makes us feel okay of not forgiving but moving on. Sometimes relationships filled with abuse, manipulation, and lies are not always worthy of reconciliation nor forgiveness but rather a feeling of peace.
However, an emotional wound is like any other wound in our other systems; it hurts, and if not properly treated it may leak into fatal consequences or even ... Death.
The wound may hurt and may take longer for you personally to heal and even ruin some other good aspects of your life, but that's what makes us humans. We're 7 billion individuals circling in a globe around one of the craziest concepts out there called a universe. It's pretty hard to face life, and our own existence on itself, let alone things that hit us to our core. It's painful, sad, heartbreaking, but it's what makes us humans. We have feelings and senses, and we survive as a bunch, and that's what makes us beautiful creatures because we make art of our own misery. So maybe you'll cringe inside at the sight of folded laundry because it reminds you of certain memories, and you'll cry looking from the window of a bakery, or even fall apart in the bathroom mirror one morning, but believe in the process of healing, because one day you'll look back, smile, and realize " what was I worried about?" Don't close the door for newcomers, and stay strong pal. Life isn't the easiest nor the most hell-like, we survive together. After all, who said wounds aren't artistically beautiful?