I took two steps back to realize I was turning back into my own nightmare. I never felt this frightened in my life, and especially from me: my own reflection. How can it be? I was so careful about taking my revenge on him and now I am the copy picture of what he is. I fell on the floor to realize that I destroyed everything I believed in, I burned my own craft and mostly I whipped the smiles that I once drew with my own hands. I looked deeply into fate’s eyes and realized he is playing with my games again.
I walked to the balcony and realized how hard it must have been for humans to not know what happens behind the Godly curtains, and even harder for me to know that the curtain contains pure evil and my picture on every wall. So I ran to the desert to find the gate into the other world only to confront my deepest fear. The desert was flaming hot and my head was into flame, I couldn’t go any longer while I felt the desert claiming my soul to throw me not in hell but into a world of nothing. When I lost hope and laid on the ground, all I could see was a foggy picture of the sky, as she showed up in front of me. I opened my eyes as much as I can, to realize I am looking directly at my desire in a human form. Everything I desired in my life, she was everything I once wished for. I felt like Pygmalion the moment he recognized his statues coming to life. Many would doubt how you would recognize it from first sight, but it was the most obvious thing I ever realized. The first sight was enough for me to give my final tell, her eyes were open: books reciting my deepest fantasies while riding the waves of her divine lips. Her body was carved from the stones of heaven and you could feel it by her vibe. She smiled like hell smoke but she pulled me like I’m the worst sinner. I gathered my power to stand up, I looked around and I realized she was gone, only to spot her very far away. I put a step forward in her direction only for her to take a step back away from me, to run away from me when I ran toward her. I realized I will never reach her, she was as silent as the night but her eyes told so many tails. I could never describe the pain of the guilt of flaming the world, but I was tortured by her unexplained beauty. I was on my knees screaming to the sky “ WHY!” “ Why God put me on my knees one more time, while all I wanted is to feel…” she saw me screaming and smiled at me only to light up the fire of my heart to look at paradise and not have the keys to open it. I was the ruler and emperor of bad and evil, the sword of God on this cursed land and now I am on my knees begging for that look.
Only for God to show up from behind me with his smile, and point in her direction and say “so what do you think of my creation?”
- You don’t even know what you’re talking about.
- I made her for you.
- I am not doing your dirty work anymore with no price or exchange.
- Well as you say, dear.
He snapped his fingers and she disappeared to thin air as if she never existed, all I could do is hear her from far in my ears living the equivalent of a non-stop torture of missing her.
I stood up with the sorrow in my heart to look around to realize I am living the nightmare I always feared to reach, I left everything behind broken and in flame only to find myself face to face with my fantasies. Under the eyes of God and his smile knowing he put me where he always planned for me to be, a war machine or more like a humanity destroyer but in the most artistic way possible. I pleased his thirst for blood and now my reward was her, but even if she was everything I dreamt of, it seemed wrong and misplaced. The look at her was filled with everyone I killed, her black hair reminded me of the mud and blood on the floors of cities I left behind, her beautiful eyes showed me a reflection of a monster I forgot I was. I always thought the day I will find love is the day I will be ready to give in but God was twisted enough to hold a mirror to my eyes and show me what he made of me.
But I can’t leave God to do this to me and take my love from me, I can’t let him take my dream, the one I worked so hard to reach, I can’t just let her slip out of my hand like this. I closed my eyes and imagined every detail I can remember of her if he gave me his powers to destroy so I can revive. I opened my eyes and she laid in front of me with all her divine feminine beauty, I walked with steady steps to draw a kiss on her perfect lips, even though it’s a creation of imagination and twisted plans but she felt warm and more real than my entire life. The world stopped, the moment couldn’t get any more perfect when I heard claps behind me where God was standing and smiling.
- Finally, you give in to your desires.
- You think? I asked while walking towards him, I reached for the sword behind my back and I sucker stabbed him while he was still smiling at me.
- How dare you…?
- You created unlimited evil within me, I was your sword but now I am free
- You are worse than me, and you will always be, you killed the one person more twisted than you.
- I’ll never be you, and now earth can stop being ruled by your twisted desires.
He falls to the ground and turned into small pieces of sand, he will return in another form but meanwhile, I held her hand as she was so happy to finally be free
- I know I was created for you like Eve was created from Adam and for him. I know nothing about earth or life. I only know you, I live for you, and without I die.
- Well come with me I’ll show you the earth we’ll fix together.
Now that he’s gone, I walked into lands I ruined only to rebuild. Where fire was now there will be flowers and trees, where there was war will be peace and love. Where I was the monster I will become a lover... Her lover…
Her innocent smile grew bigger by the passing day and I realized that heaven and hell weren’t a concept for the afterlife, but rather a concept we live on today. We enter heaven the day we stab our fears and face them, and embrace the love we once feared. I never let go of her hug, where I am the angel I once was, where my happiness wasn’t made by fake fame, but rather from the deepest feelings of settlement. After she turned the most wanted criminal on earth, to the most gentle lover by one look from her eyes.
The anti-hero was never a villain; it was always a victim in disguise that would soon be the hero if he met the right angel…