• Aging

Letters to my once ’’ lover ‘’

Introduction.

I tattooed my arm with words of wisdom and strength, then put myself at the lowest points, fought the worse demons and believed the sweetest lies, I have recited the bible of faith and hope, only to lose it all at a glance, but this is life my love. This is the harsh reality, this is the reason why you are so different and unique, this is why you go throughout hell and pain, so you can exist, I said to myself. I learned to be the change, but if only the change manifest in me as much in what I’m becoming.


27/01/2020

From my mind


To you.


I drew a picture of you in my mind: your face, with a smile on it, gazing into my eyes, telling me how I am ‘’your happiness’’, ironic isn’t it ? how you give up your happiness the moment it becomes slightly inconvenient. this is the thing, is that we try so hard to draw our perfect little world, perfecting every detail, only to conceive this little egg shell of so said happiness, while we can enjoy the little things being imperfect, but hey! I’m nothing but an ignorant girl, right? What do I even know about happiness? Why do I know about giving everything to the person you love? What do I know about the feeling of disappointment? Abandonment? Nada.

The picture was lovely, splendidly heart warming, I feel your touch on my skin, sinking all the way to my heart while it skips a beat per second. Beautiful, isn’t it? The way I saw you when you were not around? I have found home in you, and you... oh baby you found a beating love, and you stepped on it.

The passion in our love was scary, yet exciting, I ran to the deepest points of your soul and you trusted me with it, I was yours but you never were mine, replacing me was as easy as replacing the cigarettes you put in you sweet lying lips, the ones that kissed mine as well as my forehead, the ones that spelled the lies I honestly believed. You said you wouldn’t but you fucking did.

Your hug could’ve saved the devil from it sins, but how can you redeem the one who hasn’t forgiven himself yet? How can you hurt someone so bad and expect them to be so good?

This is the end for a woman like me, the end for a person that believed, felt and promised things upon a time. This is the time for me to start again, to set myself back on the right goals, without the promises you gave me, the love you left me with, and the happiness you stole from me, I have been mistaken to change my truth to yours, mistaken to not being the change, instead being your change.

I would wish you the best, but the best was me, I would wish you the worst, but how can you top yourself? I hope you get what you deserve.


With love


The woman you could never get over.

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